The holiday season tends to be a happy time for many but it can also be tough for those who are grieving.

HCI Hospice Care Services Bereavement Counselor Madee Carder says it’s okay to not have all happy feelings this time of year.

“Even if it has been five years, it’s okay for you to still be grieving, especially around this time.  A lot of people use this time to be jolly and happy and celebrate things, and you may not feel that way so you might feel kind of uncomfortable.”

Carder says everyone deals with grief differently and it’s okay to make changes or try to keep things the same.

“It’s okay to continue traditions that you may have been a part of before the person had died and it’s okay to change those traditions.  It might feel a little weird doing it without them so it’s okay to change those.  Another thing I would say is that if you do decide to continue those traditions, just know that you can leave when you want to.  It’s important to take care of yourself in that situation and make sure you have a person you can go to, or a room you can sneak off to if you need some alone time.”

Carder also recommends not avoiding the “elephant in the room” she says it’s important to acknowledge that things are different but also celebrate the good memories.